Open Adoption Roundtable #14

I always love when Heather posts another roundtable, but as usual I’m struggling with the words.

This weeks prompt comes from Lori of Weebles Wobblog and asks

If there’s one thing we all might agree on, it’s that we’d like our open adoptions to be successful. But what does “success” mean to you, when speaking about open adoption? Do you think it may mean something else to the others in your triad?

I’ve written a couple things and then swiftly deleted them.  I didn’t want to say certain things out loud.  I didn’t want to sound selfish or greedy, but at the same time whats the point of hitting the publish button if what I’ve written isn’t honest.

What it comes down it is the difference between successful and ideal as pointed out by Susie Book.

So my open adoption will be considered successful if:

• J&M keep me updated on Kidlet’s goings on
• I get my cards/gifts to Kidlet and his brother on time
• Communication and visits continue
• Kidlet not only has access to me to ask whatever questions he may have but also feels comfortable doing so

What I’m wanting though, is an ideal open adoption. I want

• To maintain the friendship M and I have developed
• To continue visits and have them increase in frequency (when we can afford it)
• To have a relationship with Kidlet forever: for him to call me up with his questions and also just to say hey, to be invited to his bar mitzvah, to be at his wedding, to meet and have relationships with his children
• To have an ongoing relationship with Kidlet’s brother
• To have J&M and the boys meet and have relationships with my future children

the list could go on…but I don’t want to be greedy