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I’m grateful for this Open Adoption RoundTable prompt because it serves as a reminder that i need to figure out what I’ve getting my own father before Sunday.  I’m also grateful for this prompt because too often father’s are left out of the adoption conversation. First fathers especially, but to an extent adoptive fathers too.

In honor of Father’s Day we’re supposed to

Write to someone else in the adoption constellation (someone specific or a general group). What do you want to say to them on Father’s Day?

So here it goes…

Dear [TheEx],

Happy Father’s Day.  This is your tenth.  Since we haven’t spoken in seven years I wonder if you have anyone around to wish you a happy father’s day. Sometimes I’m not sure you deserve it.  I try to stay out of it and let you navigate your own relationship with M&J and most importantly with Kidlet. But from what I can see you aren’t doing that.

So this year as I send these happy Father’s Day wishes out into the ether in your general direction I’m also sending another wish your way.

I wish you’d (re)connect with your son.  His eyes light up each time he learns more about you especially when similarities are reavealed.  He needs more than second hand stories through the lens of an ex-girlfriend even if that ex-girlfriend is his mother. There is only so much good I can share with him about you and I refuse to share the bad.

He may only be 10, but he’s already entered his teenage boy stage and I see so much of you in him. The good and yes even some of the not so good. I wish he had the opportunity to see first hand where he gets some of his traits from and I dont just mean his blond hair.  He recently took his mom’s sewing needle and pierced his own ear.  Remember when you pierced your eyebrow? It was my first thought when M told me the story.  I wish that someday, someday sooner rather than later you and Kidlet can compare those stories in detail.

I don’t know what to say to convince you he deserves you in his life.  Or maybe I need to convince you that you deserve him in yours.  Either way time is slipping away.  So much is gone already.  Get to know him.  He’s pretty great.


Your Son’s Mother


Comments on: "Open Adoption RoundTable #39: Father’s Day Letters" (5)

  1. Wow. I don’t even know Kidlet and I know he’s great ’cause of his momma. This is a great letter. I hope the ex stumbles upon it someday soon.

  2. Danielle said:

    You may have not cried while writing this, but I did. Incredibly moving, and beautiful. You are amazing, really.

  3. beautiful! thank you for sharing!

  4. Wouldn’t it be great if he read this? It’s a wonderful letter.

  5. […] Two of my favorite people ever wrote very moving posts on Father’s Day and adoption (click here and here).  Their words really stuck with me. I openly and freely admit that I cried (like, um, a […]

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