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OAR #19: It’s More

Sensing that I was getting in the habit of saving to draft and never publishing any of my posts, Heather has posted the newest Open Adoption Roundtable prompt (and we won’t tell her that it briefly became one of the many half written posts in my drafts folder)

“Open adoption is about information sharing.” Share your reaction to that statement. How well does it match up with your experience of open adoption? If you disagree, how would you finish the phrase, “Open adoption is about…”?

My first reaction was, “but, it’s more than information sharing!”

I can’t speak for every open adoption so I’ll just speak for my own.

Yes, when new medical issues come up in my family I call or email to update Kidlet’s parents about these developments.  Yes, when Kidlet gets straight A’s on his report cards (yeah he’s pretty smart that one) I’m one of the people they tell.  Yes, I’m around to fill in some of the gaps Kidlet has in his knowledge of his first dad.

So yes information sharing is part of it. But I think a more accurate statement would be, “Open adoption involves information sharing, but it’s about relationships.

It’s about sitting down for dinner with your almost nine year old and his family and him spontaneously bringing up the cake you made for his fifth birthday.

It’s about being there to watch him play baseball, laughing with his dad as he slides into base after base when really the sliding wasn’t necessary, but he just loves to slide and then watching his coach give him his awards.

Its about a night out with his mom where we talk about love and dating (and my neurosis with love and dating and trust) where we walk around after dinner and laugh about so much and just happen to wander to a playhouse where we spontaneously decide to see Rent.

It’s about my mother returning from Disneyland with sillybands not just for Kidlet, but also for KidBrother.

It’s about my niece drawing pictures to be sent to her cousin whom she feels so much ownership over I’m not allowed to call him Kidlet I must call him her cousin Kidlet. (She does this with people she like, I haven’t been allowed to call my mother mom since she learned to talk; she constantly corrects me, “She’s GRANDMA!”)

Open adoption doesn’t start and stop with the sharing of information it thrives with the creating of memories and the building of relationships.

Check out other bloggers’ responses

And in case the disclaimer at the beginning wasn’t enough let me reiterate I cannot speak for all open adoptions I only speak for mine. kthnxbai


Comments on: "OAR #19: It’s More" (3)

  1. KatjaMichelle said:

    And whats more, Open Adoption is Kidlet’s mom somehow knowing I was having a hard day and calling to talk. 🙂

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