An open-ended prompt this round, because it’s always interesting to see where each of us takes it:
Write about open adoption and the holiday season.
Yes, I know the lyric is “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas” but for me Christmas is about the feelings. So far the Christmasy feel boils down to:
COLD: as in it’s been 8 degrees this week when I arrive at my internship in the mornings. So cold that it half my commute just for the car to warm up enough for the heat to be of any use. So cold that I wear thigh high socks plus wool socks plus boots and my toes are still cold.
FESTIVE: DirtyRed went out and bought a tree and she and GeishaGirl decorated it. THey’ve been burning holiday candles for weeks and their stockings are hung above the fireplace. For my part I had a peppermint martini at my favorite resaurant this week YUM!
MERRY: The only music being played in my car since the day after Thanksgiving has been Christmas music (well except for the ONE day I allowed Mohawk to pick the music)
So what does any of this have to do with adoption? The last feeling that lets me know the holidays are here is:
LONELY: as in I can try to imagine what Kidlet is up to this time of year. But I won’t be there. I wont experience it with him.
I have a video his parents sent me a few years back, him playing with his dreidel and counting in Hebrew (TOO CUTE!)
I’ve been to the house so can imagine quite clearly the spot where their Christmas tree will sit.
I’ve seen him open birthday presents so I can change the wrapping in my minds eye and have a good idea of what his face will be like on Christmas morning…
But he will never walk hand in hand with me and experience the magic of Zoo Lights.
I won’t be able to teach him the simple joy of St. Nikolaus Tag.
He won’t gather with my family and neighbors Christmas eve eating taquitos and laughing.
He won’t pile in my parents van and drive from neighborhood to neighborhood searching for extravegant light displays.
He won’t return to my parents house to open gifts.
He won’t sleep over and wake early to find that Santa has arrived.
He won’t be able to steal bits of food and sweets while I help momma cook Christmas dinner.
I’ve missed all these things since Christmas 2001, but its worse now watching my sister share all these things with my nieces.
Yesterday I hit the holiday wall. I should have written this post sooner so as not to be a downer. I’m going to bed now, wake me in January.