Write about names/naming and open adoption.
I feel like I’ve written about this before, so some of it may be a bit repetative. Although perhaps I’ve only thought about writing it down so in that case it may be all new. Its hard to write about names without using any names. I am tempted to let the psydonyms fall by the way side for this post but it is not my right to make that choice. And so I will try to have this be as clear as possible.
I shall start with a cast of characters:
- Kidlet – my placed son
- The Ex- Kidlet’s first dad
- SisterFriend – My older sister
- BabySister- My younger sister
- Babykins and NewBaby- daughters of my younger sister
- M- Kidlets mom
- J- Kidlets dad
The Ex and his father shared a name, but with different spellings and from early in my pregnancy we knew we would name Kidlet using The Ex’s father’s spelling.
In my family middle names start with a certain letter. They just do. My grandmother, aunt, and SisterFriend all share a middle name. BabySister, Babykins, NewBaby(coming soon), and I all have middle names that share the same first letter with their name. So I knew Kidlet’s middle name would start with that letter.
I know M and I discussed names prior to Kidlet’s birth, but everything was a blur then and is more than a little hazy now. I know she followed traditions from her faith to select a list of suitable names. I know that the name The Ex and I had selected for Kidlet’s middle name made the list J&M had for first names. I don’t remember if that was merely coincidence or if we discussed it. I also know that the name they chose for Kidlet’s middle name represents The Ex, it means poet. (I feel its ok for me to say that because there are many names that mean poet and I don’t think anyone will be able to identify Kidlet even if they do happen to guess the right one)
I often wonder if I should have named him. I vaguely remember in the hospital being slow to fill out the birth certificate paperwork because part of me thought I should just put down the name J&M had picked. Perhaps it was selfishness, but I chose to fill out the paperwork with the names The Ex and I had chosen.
Maybe he will grow up and resent that for a few days he had another name. Maybe he will confirm that it was selfish on my part to name him. Maybe he’ll enjoy that for a few days he shared a name with this first father and grandfather. I didn’t know the right thing then, and I don’t know it now.