Archive for Unemployment
August 12, 2009
· Filed under Adoption, Friends, Grad School, Unemployment, Work, dating
I logged into the adoption forums for the first time in over a month the other day. I read a lot, but couldn’t bring myself to post.
I’ve started several drafts of posts on various subjects. I can’t seem to finish anything.
My son turns 8 on Friday.
I gave a presentation on birth/first parent grief to my cohort of MSW students. I was worried because my professor is an adoptive mom and I don’t know what her view of birth parents is. She made a few faces i cannot interpret while I spoke but overall she seemed receptive. I guess I’ll see if my topic choice was stupid when I get my grade.
I’m socially retarded and emotionally stunted. Started dating “Sinatra” about a month ago. I keep testing him. He keeps passing. So I test him some more. I realized I’m doing it so I am trying to stop. Its hard. My bestie pointed out that unless i want her to be the only person I ever commit to I need to get over my issues. She said it much nicer than that. I’m scared.
I have to give notice at my job friday. It took me 8 months post lay off to find this job and now its down to drop out of school or quit my job. This will be the first time in my adult life I’ve quit a job without having another lined up. This also scares me.
Pregnant people are stalking me.
May 6, 2009
· Filed under Adoption, Friends, Grad School, Unemployment, family
I need to say a proper thank you to all the wonderful first/birth/natural moms who took my survey. I began this reserach project scared I wouldn’t have any results to present but that is not the case. I am in your debt. I also need to say a special thank you to FauxClaud and ULB for tweeting about my survey. I don’t exaggerate when I say upon seeing those retweets I got a bit teary. Two women who have never actually met me were sending me some serious love and I was in much need of it.
I haven’t formally began analyzing the data yet but at first glance both the qualitative and quantitative portions seem to be about what I expected. For those who objected to my asking questions about both adoption as well as abortion I say there is a method to my madness. I agree the two are not linked. HOWEVER when those who argue for closed records link them they won’t stop doing so on my word alone.
I plan to get into the numbers and such next week and will post more at that time.
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And now the brief explanation of my sulking. I’ll put it in a time line for brevity.
- October – Laid Off
- December- Momma hospitalized, has blood transfusion
- January- Best Friend’s mom has heart attack
- February- Great Grandma passes
- March- I discover I’m sick beyond my chronic migraines but dont know what exactly is wrong still laid off no health insurance
- April- Second expensive visit to a specialist still no answers
- May 1st – Grandpa Passes
- May – mothers day
I’ve purposefully left out somethings that seemed big at the time but now seem small. Basically it just all caught up with me. There is only so much fake smiles can hide before the tears over take it all.
April 13, 2009
· Filed under Job Search, Shoes, Unemployment
For those of you wondering how my job search is going I thought I’d let you know that today I accepted a job. A part time minimum wage retail job, but a job none the less.
I will keep looking for something full time or in my field but for now I have a job.
Hmmm…can’t really walk around a sales floor all day in pumps…perhaps I need to go shoe shopping and find something a little more *gulp* practical to wear. Actually depending on the length of my shift I could very well be fine in my pumps I’m used to them.
March 9, 2009
· Filed under Adoption, Friends, Grad School, Pets, Roommates, Unemployment, family
I like to think I have a pretty firm handle on my adoption grief. But sometimes it rears its head in unexpected ways.
I got my first pet in December. Yes at the age of 25 I had never before had a pet. When my friends and I moved into a our current house there was a stray cat on the cul-de-sac. A neighbor began feeding her and put out a cat bed and heated blanket. We later found out that the neighbor could not take her in because of severe allergies and so she was looking for someone take this stray.
In December we had our first rediculous snow store of the season and my roommates brought the cat inside. Each of them already has a cat and I suggested the new cat be taken to the vet so as not to pass any illness to their cats. Well after a few days I was talked into becoming the owner of this cat.
I didn’t particularly want a cat. I wanted a dog, or an exotic bird. But I started to fall for this cat. My roommates had taken to calling her Oreo because she’s black and white I re-named her Cookie because I find the term Oreo offensive. I took her to the vet and bought all sorts of cat supplies. I let her sleep in my bed.
And then about 2 weeks into my new pet ownership I got a text while I was at the movies. Apparently Cookie had used the carpet instead of the litter box and my roommate had put her outside. I was beside myself through the whole movie. Worried about cookie, angry that I hadn’t even been consulted, and confused by my very strong reaction.
Turns out two of my adoption fears were triggered in that episode. 1- I had failed as a mother and now I was failing as a pet owner 2-I had no control over the situation.
The control piece came into play recently as well. I’ve been in a funk for a few weeks now, feeling stuck in my life. Its not that my life is awful. I just felt stuck. I think I’ve figure out that while I’m glad I’m in grad school it means that I need to stay put until June 2010. I dont like not having the option of moving. Even more so since my very part time job isn’t even enough to support myself I can’t go away for a weekend or even go out at night with my friends. I feel powerless in my life.
I was never a controling person. I’ve always been a laid back go with the flow type of girl. But apparently not anymore. Of course I can’t prove it’s adoption related. It could just be me changing as I age. But the more I think about it the more I keep coming back to adoption.
Oh and btw my roommate and I are on speaking terms again. Cookie doesn’t really like to be inside but I make her stay in when the weather is bad but I have to keep her in line of sight at all times to make sure she doesn’t pee on the carpet.
February 11, 2009
· Filed under Friends, Roommates, Unemployment, Work, dating
I GOT A JOB!!! Ok so its only part time and not even consistant part time but its a job! I”m so excited. I won’t know the salary details until later in the week but I’m already trying to schedule a visit in my head.
So after class last night I went out with some of the girls to celebrate my newly employed status. I happened to have a gift card to a local pizza place so we went there. Our drinks hadn’t even arrived when a man come up to our table and offered to buy us a round if we’d let him join us. This is typical for a night out with Roommate 2 she’s gorgeous and the guys flock to her. However, as the conversation progressed I started to realize he was talking to me .
To be honest it through me for a loop. Don’t get me wrong I’m a cute girl but I was surrounded by cuter, skinnier, definatly nicer girls. And whats wierd is I had no problem talking to this guy UNTIL i realized he was interested in actually talking to me. Then it got wierd. So at the end of the night he had my number and I had a date. Which I’m leaving for in just a few minutes.
February 4, 2009
· Filed under Movies, Unemployment, Work, family
For christmas I asked for gift cards to grocery stores and gas stations. Boring I know but its what I need. Instead I got gift cards to the movie theater.
I didn’t want to be ungrateful but I was really confused by the gift. I mean I like movies and all but even before the lay off I didn’t go see them that often. I mean have you seen the price of movie tickets?
Well today I used my movie gift card. I sat in a dark theater alone and forgot about the million things stressing me out right now. And I didn’t spend a bit of money. Ok well I guess I technically spent money on the gas it took to drive there but other than that not a dime was spent.
Sure when the lights came back up all my worries were waiting for me. But for that hour and half…it was nice.
In other news: I have a job interview on Friday. Please cross your fingers and think good thoughts for me. I really need this job.
January 7, 2009
· Filed under Adoption, Unemployment, Wednesday Whining/Wining
Because its the most fun lets start with the Wining. I bought two bottles of wine this week both German Eiswein one a Riesling the other a Kerner. Both absoultely yummy although if I have to choose I think I prefer the Kerner.
The Kerner I opened Monday after a LONG day at my internship. I intended on having just one glass so put the cork back after I poured. It was so yummy I nearly destroyed the cork trying to re-open it to refill my glass. I finished the entire bottle that night and I can’t even blame it on the roommates since I only let them each have the tiniest of sips.
Tonight after an even LONGER day at my internship I opened the Riesling. While also yummy I may actually stop at one glass. I think the Kerner was sweeter and apparently I like my wines sweet.
Ok onto the whining. Still no job and still no unemployment benefits. Can you believe it! I wrote a very professional email asking for an update on the process since they told me a decision would be made in 6 weeks and it had been 10 at the time i wrote the email. I asked if they could estimate how much longer it would be before a decision was made and was told that 6 weeks was there estimate and that if I could provide them with an eviction notice they might be able to get me a decision quicker.
Seriously!? I’m not asking for a hand out I just want the money I paid into the system. Isn’t that the reason we pay into unemployment? And I’m so sick of them telling me they are reviewing my availability to work full time. I apply for more than the required 3 full time jobs a week. I was working full time prior to the lay off. Hmm seems to me I’m available for full time work!
As for the little bit of worry. My son’s mom has changed her status to “saying a prayer” I dont know whats going on but I’m hoping her prayer is answered and that all is well. And I’m trying to keep my overactive imagination in check…
December 18, 2008
· Filed under Adoption, Unemployment, venting
This is about the time of year I start to plan visits. I look at what weeks I have off from school and then compare them to the breaks my son has since he’s in year round school. I try to book my travel plans as soon as possible in January based on the assumption that fares will only go up (not always true but I’d rather not risk it). So even though I’ve been laid off and unable to find employment and unable as of yet to convince the government I’m deserving of my unemployment insurance pay out I decided to look.
I didn’t even glance at airline websites this year why bother I already know those are out of the question. I started by checking out how much it would cost me to take the bus cross country. Well its good to know its possible. Of course since it will take more than THREE DAYS to get there and costs more than 400 dollars I will have to rule that out for two reasons. 1- its more than I can currently afford 2- by the time I get there I’d have to turn around and come home.
I then looked at the possiblity of taking the train. Knowing it wouldn’t be any cheaper but hoping it would be quicker I was very disappointed to find out there is no train service between my city and his.
I’m tempted to check airfare but I know its not a possiblity. Unless I land an amazing job SOON it looks like 2009 will not be a visit year.
November 25, 2008
· Filed under Unemployment
Today I am so very grateful for my severence package.
About 6 weeks ago when I packed up my office and bid my co-workers that final fairwell there was no guaruntee we’d be recieving a severence package. We knew our executive director wanted to be able to give us one but that it was up to the board of directors and of course how successful the agency was at liquidating it’s assets.
Yesterday on my way to my car I noticed a flat tire on my car. I put enough air in it to get to my internship. Today I was able to buy a new tire. Tomorrow I’m going grocery shopping. I’m so excited to go grocery shopping. You have NO idea.
Its not a huge amount of money but it will help me get through until I either get unemployment or get a new job (keep your fingers crossed).
Today I feel incredibly thankful for my severence pay.
November 12, 2008
· Filed under Adoption, Friends, Grad School, Roommates, Unemployment, dating, family, sisters, venting
So many people are deleting their blogs or going private. Its not really news but it hit me again today.
Today was a hard day and I came home and typed in some of the familiar urls. Not holding my breath but still with the faintest of hopes that perhaps today they’d be there and accessible. I don’t know why I’m so emotional lately. I cannot claim to have been the best of friends with any of them. But reading those blogs made me feel a little less crazy and a little less alone.
Its strange living in a house with two dear friends and still turning to the computer for understanding. To dull the lonliness.
I am just so empty lately. All I want to do is crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head. And since I can’t think of a good reason not to, I will go do just that.
