Archive for sisters

I Do It To Myself

October 19, 2009 · Filed under Access to OBCs, Adoptee Rights, Adoption, Grad School, Open Records, family, sisters

I am one of three members of WA-CARE (thats Washington Coalition for Adoptee Rights and Equality) who will be meeting with a state legislator next Tuesday.  We hope this legislator will sponsor a bill re-instating access for adult adoptees to their original birth certificates.

My MSW Capstone project about First Mother Disenfranchised Grief (delving deeper into my project from last quarter).

My Child Youth and Family Policy Project is about OBC access (delving deeper into what I learned from last winter/spring’s research project and piggybacking on my work with the coalition).

Its my own fault that adoption is surrounding me at the moment.  Its like I’m testing myself.  How much adoption can I handle before I break?

Also my newest niece has arrived. I had planned on referring to her as Newbaby as she is the daughter of BabySister and the sister of Babykins but after much auntie/niece bonding it has been determined her name is Poppel because of the way that she sleeps in a ball no matter how I try to get her to straighten her legs. So now I will consider going back and changing her nickname is any post I have already mentioned her in…although that seems like a lot of work so maybe I’ll just use the new nickname starting now.

SoldierBoy should be home sometime this week for R&R, BabySister is anxious to see him as is Babykins and I’m sure he’s anxious to see them and meet Poppel as well.

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Childhood goal achieved

January 5, 2009 · Filed under family, sisters

BabySister and her new husband, SoldierBoy, and my niece, Nichte are all moving in with SisterFriend. Its actually a really good arrangement. It gets them out of my parents house but not too far from the family (ie the free babysitting).  It also helps SisterFriend out with the morgage payment.  Plus with this arragement as opposed to their other plan BabySister will have built in support when SoliderBoy deploys.

So as my soon to be ex-brother-in-law was moving his stuff out of the house I was helping SisterFriend rearrange to make room for her new housemates.  The biggest part of the move was relocating her library/office from upstairs to downstairs. It involved a broken desk and quite a few dents in the wall but also a lesson about some of the similarities my sister and I share.

As we moved boxes of books downstairs and unloaded them onto their bookshelves I kept noticing that we have many of the exact same books. For a few of them it was because they were my books that she’d borrowed but for too many to count it was just that we’d bought the same books.We laughed about how much money we’d both save if we could just learn to share.  We also laughed over which books we’d both enjoyed and which had been the hardest to get through (fyi neither of us are Oprah book club girls it turns out).

As I came to the boxes of history books I began grouping them sometimes by subject sometimes by decade explaining that she would have to re-organize them the way she wanted them.  She glanced over my shoulder for not more than a second and could articulate my grouping system, and liked it. She even knew why in the group of WWII books I had them in the order that I did (I didn’t want books like Anne Frank near books about Hitler so they were on opposite ends of the shelf ).

We have the same shoes, we have the same purses, we have the same books, and the same bizarre way of organizing.  Seems I’ve reached my childhood goal of being just like my sister.

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Middle Child Guilt Syndrome

December 22, 2008 · Filed under Pets, Roommates, family, sisters

Ok so its not a real syndrome…but it should be.

Mid November BabySister started having some issues with my niece’s daycare. SisterFriend and I started helping out by watching the baby.  I was babysitting any week day that I didn’t have my internship assuming that BabySister would get the daycare situation figured out and I could stop spending every free moment with a 3 year old. (Whom I adore but really no one wants to spend EVERY spare minute with their neice).

So once or twice dad asked me what the deal was with daycare and I told him I ddin’t know and suggested he ask my sister.  He muttered something about since it was me doing the babysitting I should ask her what the progress was.  The second time we had this conversation I snapped.  I reminded him about how he always gets mad at me for “picking fights” with my sister and how last time we argued she and I didn’t speak for over 6 months.  I also reminded him that the holidays are fast approaching and told him I was not going to be to blame for ruining Christmas so if he wanted to know what was going on he should ask himself.

Overall I was pretty proud of myself for standing up to my dad even if I only stood up to him about my reasons for NOT standing up to my sister.

So since I started babysitting there has been to set days BabySister usually calls at the last minute because well thats who she is.  So tonight she called and I had to tell her I wasn’t available tomorrow. I am taking my roommate to work at 10 (if my car will barely make it in the snow hers doesn’t have a chance) and have a vet appointment for Cookie at 1130.  I let her know that I could watch my niece from about 1230 or 1 on but that prior to that I wasn’t available.

I’m proud of myself for not just agreeing to take my niece with me on my errands because a three year old at the vet is just not something I can handle especially when my nerves will already be frazzled due to snow driving.  But at the same time I feel guilty.  I feel like I’ve caused a problem by not being there to solve her lack of babysitting problem.  But then again I can’t keep enabling her.  At some point she has to get the daycare thing solved.  IDK. Its a constant back and forth in my head.  Someday I will have to deal with and write about my deep resentment of my sister but until then I’ll just hope someone finds a cure for Middle Child Guilt Syndrome. (i still think that should be in the DSM)

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The Block

November 23, 2008 · Filed under Out and About, sisters

I just got back from the NKOTB concert.  I have once again been reminded why SisterFriend is my favorite concert partner.

There were more men than I expected.  Poor guys that had been dragged there by their female SOs from the looks on their faces.

Lady GaGa was the first opener and did a very short set.  Oh and kept referring to us as being in Seattle.  I’m not from here but but maybe this place is growing on me because at concerts I find myself very annoyed when artists call us seattle.  WE ARE NOT SEATTLE.

Natasha Bedingfield also played a rather short set and although she did say Tacoma she added Seattle as well. Better than not saying Tacoma at all but really leave Seattle out of it.

Then the boys came on stage (btw they did not call us seattle once).  They not only brought back the old tunes but they brought back the old dance moves as well.  You remember them.  The dorky, if they were a new group today they’d be laughed off stage dance moves complete with croch grabs.  LOVED IT.

There was only one moment where I was annoyed by the new material, for the most part they mixed it nicely.

I’m going to bed now, we’ll see if I wake up in time to go to church tomorrow today.

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Torn

November 22, 2008 · Filed under Adoption, family, sisters, therapy, venting

I’m torn right now between loyalty to my sisters and loyalty to myself.  I know there is a way to reconcile this and be loyal to us all I just haven’t figured it out yet.

Both my sisters are going to become involved in the adoption world.  Lets start with SisterFriend since her situation will probably be the easiest for me.  She wants to adopt within the next few years.  Probably internationally or foster to adopt.  But deep down I wonder if she really want to do domestic and doesn’t say it because she thinks I’ll freak out.

I want to help her, I want to support her, but at the same time I want to throw up every time she mentions the A word.

And then there is my newly married BabySister.  Her new husband wants to legally adopt her daughter.  That is wonderful.  My niece has never met her biological father.  I won’t go into details to protect my sister and my niece’s privacy. The problem is I’m not sure he’ll consent to the adoption because even though I’ve never met the man everything I know about him shows him to be a very spiteful person.

Our state doesn’t have a putative father registry.  Yes I checked and yes I am disappointed in myself. Since she has his contact info I dont think that would have worked anyway. I hate myself for trying to think up ways around his consent.  But I’ll also hate myself if I dont try and help.

But maybe thats the problem.  Neither of these situations is about me.  Maybe this is a sign that its time to end my families co-dependant completely enmeshed existance and let my sisters navigate the adoption waters on their own.

But then is it really fair to watch your sisters enter a situation you have knowledge of (albeit limited knowledge because i’m NOT an expert on international or stepparent adoptions) and not provide them that knowledge?

I don’t know like I said, I’m torn.

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Such a blah kind of day

November 12, 2008 · Filed under Adoption, Friends, Grad School, Roommates, Unemployment, dating, family, sisters, venting

So many people are deleting their blogs or going private. Its not really news but it hit me again today.

Today was a hard day and I came home and typed in some of the familiar urls. Not holding my breath but still with the faintest of hopes that perhaps today they’d be there and accessible.  I don’t know why I’m so emotional lately.  I cannot claim to have been the best of friends with any of them.  But reading those blogs made me feel a little less crazy and a little less alone.

Its strange living in a house with two dear friends and still turning to the computer for understanding.  To dull the lonliness.

I am just so empty lately.  All I want to do is crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head.  And since I can’t think of a good reason not to, I will go do just that.

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Ok its later

November 9, 2008 · Filed under sisters

Time for a sister of the bride wedding recap.

Shortly after I posed on Friday I got a phone call.  The flowers had arrived and they weren’t what BabySister had expected.  She didn’t know how she was going to create bouquets for herself, 3 bridesmaids, and her daughter. She was on her way back to work but would be stopping at a florist to check for supplemental flowers.  She described to me what she was looking for and I “offered” to look while I was out and about running errands.

I put offered in quotations because, as is a theme in our life she often says things in such a way to get me to offer.  This way I cant complain because after all I offered.  I can’t be mad at her though, I taught her this skill.

So I went on a flower hunt.  After much stress crisis was averted when she came home from work with supplemental flowers and then created beautiful bouquets.

Saturday afternoon I arrived at my parents house ready to help with any last minute items, loading the car, and decorating the venue.  Well a very non-delegating BabySister soon got annoyed with my frequent “what can I do now to help?” so I decided to just sit until it was time to go.

2 minutes before we were supposed to walk out the door BabySister realizes she has not printed the pictures she wanted around the cake.  I offer to do this.  So I do.  And I did it wrong.  So I do it again.  By the time they are done everyone has left the house except SisterFriend and I.  So I grab the pictures and rush to my car.  We’re backing out the drive when I ask SisterFriend “Do they have the flowers.”

“NO”

So we rush back into the house grab the bouquets and drive off.  Half way to the venue I get a call (actually I got 7 but didn’t realize my phone was vibrating until the 7th).  “are you still at home” BabySister asks. Apparently the Ipod and I home got left behind so I turned around and when to get them.

I’m leaving my parents house the second time when I get another phone call.  This time from my dad very upset asking where I am.  I give him my crossstreets and he’s not happy.  The ceremony is set to start in a few minutes and we’re down the street from his house still.  I explain that I had to turn around but that does little to pacify him.

We arrive at the venue. Sisterfriend unload my car I try to find BabySister.  She is in a room with her daughter trying to get dressed By. Her. Self. Where the hell was the maid of honor? I dont know but I took over and dressed her and SisterFriend arrived downstairs to dress the toddler in her matching flower girl dress.

The flowergirl decided she didn’t want to wear her shoes.  The shoes mind you are the whole reason the wedding colors ended up being white and pink.  Meaning the whole reason I had to wear pink.  I HATE PINK.  Then the bride realized she’d forgotten her shoes at home.  So mother and daughter were going down the aisle barefoot.

So we are ready, the guys are not. BabySister is telling us which one to grab at the top of the stairs to walk down the aile and I have never met these guys so don’t know them by name of course.  Thank goodness I was last to walk so I just got the one that was left.

The ceremony was fine.  The screaming 2 year old was to me expected.  The officiant was a little quiet.  But BabySister looked happy so all is well.  Pictures were taken then it was time for the cake.

The bride and groom cute the cake and smashed it in eachothers faces.  Then BabySister asked Dad to help by removing the top layer and cutting the cake for the guests.  Even though he’d earlier said “I’ll help in anyway if some would just tell me how I can help” he turned to me and told me to cut the cake.  Nevermind I still needed to bustle BabySisters gown because each time we went to do that someone would interupt and either take her away or instruct me to do something else.  So I remove the top layer of cake with help from Momma and SisterFriend.  I take it to put it in its box and BabySister is there asking me to bustle her.  So I do.  And then I realize that means no one is cutting the cake.  Well too damn bad I decide I am gonna do what my sister asks on her wedding day and if that means people have to wait for cake then I dont care. Turns out someone else cut the cake while I was away.

Then we learned no one brought a bottle opener and had to get creative so that the cider could be poured for the toast. The toast I had planned never got to be given.  When BabySister heard I was going to toast her she informed me that someone else was going to be giving the toast and I explained that usually more than one toast was given she made it clear my toast was not welcome.  But its her day so I accept that.  Until I hear the toast. “I hope you guys are happy” really? thats a toast?

By this time we are over our time allotment at the venue and have to start kicking people out and cleaning.

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CONGRATULATIONS PRESIDENT ELECT OBAMA

November 5, 2008 · Filed under Friends, Grad School, Holidays, Politics, Roommates, sisters

And congratulations to our country we will now have a president we can be proud of.

I will write that letter for my son but today I need to recap my yesterday now that I’m not afraid my cheer will jinx the results.

I began my day with optimism.  This may not sound like much but I am NOT an optimistic person.  I approach everything with caution but yesterday, that was not cautious optimism it was HOPE and EXCITEMENT.  I was smiling non-stop.  I wore my I VOTED sticker on my forehead (what thats not where ya’ll wear yours?).

I went through my daily activities in a blur and then on my way home from my internship I stopped  at the liquor store. I arrived home just as the results began rolling in and I began taking shots as they announced the blue states.  As it neared time to go to class I added some “flavor” to my sprites and headed out (with my roommate/classmate driving of course)

In class everyone had their laptops on then the teacher told us it woudl be rude to our presenters and later our guest speaker.  So I was prepared to be all stealth about it.  But then my computer decided to not work. Luckily SisterFriend texted me updates throughout class!  Obama’s count got BIG then he-who -shall-not-be-named started getting more electoral votes and I got scared.  Then Obama got more! And I wanted to dance in the ailes but thought that might be a give away to the prof that I’ve been not paying attention.

Instead I sat patiently as soon as class was over we hugged and ran to the bar across the street to watch the acceptance speach. I cried.  Tears flowed from my eyes and I did not wipe them away.  I called my parents.  They didn’t really care (dad’s a republican :( ) So my roommmate passed me her phone and I called HER mom.  She shared in my excitement.

Unfortunately the gubernatorial results were not as promising when I went to bed it was too close to count and even though they are now calling it in favor of my guy (well girl) four years ago my state’s race was decided by less than 200 votes between these same candidates and with only 55% of the votes in I will temper my optimism…because after all I dont want to tempt fate.

oh yeah and even after all that drinking last night I woke at 6am because I have to be to my intership in a few minutes…But its ok because i’m walking on air!!!!!!!!!

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Some things are more important

October 30, 2008 · Filed under Friends, sisters, venting

I don’t think I posted about my break up in August.  I had my heart broken, but its on the mend.  I lost a friend but I learned a lesson.  Even though he is no longer my boyfriend and no longer my friend he is still very close with SisterFriend.

SisterFriend has me worried.  She’s going through some things and seems okay on the outside but I think she’s really good at pretending to be okay. So I put aside my pride and attempted to contact the ex.  To check in, to see if he’s seeing anything in my sister that I’m missing.  To see if he thinks she’s okay.

And I hate myself now for being so stupid.  Of course it looks like I’m pining.  Of course I look pathetic.

But i hate him too. I’m worried about my sister and why cant he stop being a jerk for five seconds.  Why can’t he see that somethings are more important than his decision to not speak for 6 months or longer and then see if we can be friends.  I dont want to be your friend.  I just want to know my sisters ok.

Without his take on her behavior I guess I just have to hope she opens up eventually.  Or maybe she’s not pretending maybe she is ok.

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Sister of the Bride

October 23, 2008 · Filed under sisters

My sister is getting married.  In a little over 2 weeks.   And I just found out.  From myspace.

BabySister and I have never been uber close.  Not like SisterFriend and I have become, but we are getting closer so imagine my suprise this morning when I find out she’s ENGAGED.

I woke up this morning and came into the computer room to see if any new jobs had been posted over night.  I checked myspace and saw BabySister’s boyfriend had friend requested me.  I approved him and checked out his pages.  There it was his status read “I’m getting married November 8th”.

EXCUSE ME! – I screamed causing my roommate to question question my sanity

The rage quickly subsided and gave way to tears.  My baby sister was getting married and didn’t tell me.

They’ve been talking about marriage for awhile.  A small court ceremony since his family is far away and won’t travel.  A party afterwards.  But they hadn’t become engaged so I figured it was one of those things that would happen eventually but not for awhile.

I called BabySister and left her a voicemail, she called back.

She had been planning to tell me in person the next time we saw eachother (which should be this sunday) She didn’t realize her boyfriend Fiance was going to friend me on myspace and spill the beans.  She was pretty pissed she didn’t get to tell me.  So like a good big sister I pretended I didn’t know and let her tell me.  Not the same, for either of us, but it is what it is.

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