Archive for Race
Good Parents Speak English?
I’m sick and don’t have the energy to comment, except to say WTF.
Hypocrisy
Today I saw a blog about a couple who are in the adoption process. They recently discovered they cannot afford a white baby but are “ok” with Black or Mixed (they said AA but I prefer the term Black so thats what I’m going to use on my blog).
The blog writer expressed anger at a system that prices Black babies differently than White. And yet is still going forward with the agency. Still paying them to provide a baby. Still tacitly approving their practices.
Why can’t PAPs understand that by funding these agencies they are condoning these practices. Why can’t they understand that until they stop funding these agencies NOTHING will change.
Or maybe they do understand. Maybe they just don’t care.
And while I”m venting I also want to point out that being “ok” with a Black or mixed baby because you can’t afford a White one made me throw up a little in my mouth. Perhaps it was poor word choice but seriously?
Oh and for all those PAPs who decide that mixed is the way to go because a Black child would have a harder time adjusting to their location. Guess what! Mixed children are going to have the same problems. Being partially Black is being Black plus another race it’s not being “less” Black.
And as a side note I’m mixed the Critic is full Black and I’m darker than him so if you’re hoping for a mixed baby for a lighter skin tone you may not get your wish.
High Maintainance Hair- the arrival of my sampler pack
I recently wrote about my hair and mentioned I’d ordered some products to try out. Well they arrived a few days ago while I was in the middle of a weeklong migraine episode so I hadn’t gotten a chance to try them out until now.
Last night I washed my hair using Miss Jessie’s Creme De La Curl cleansing creme and Creme De La Creme condidioner and followed it up with a rapid recovery treatment. None of those scents were overpowering which is really important during and coming off of a migraine episode. My hair felt so good after washing that I didn’t think I needed the rapid recovery but decided to use it because my hair tends to be misleading while wet.
The treatment can be left in anywhere from 10 minutes to overnight. I chose overnight so this morning I rinsed out the treatment and used the Curly Pudding. I can’t give a full report until my hair dries but so far I’m glad it comes in an unscented version. The smell isn’t unbearable (in fact it’s kinda nice) but if I were in the midst of a migraine it would be. If my hair dries well I”ll be trying the unscented tomorrow.
I’ll also be posting pictures but again no point until the hair dries.
My hair is high maintenance
I just ordered over $80 worth of hair products. Well before shipping and handling it was only $65 but that was taking advantage of a buy one get one free sale.
For those who don’t know I’m black(ish). I’m mixed but have recently begun referring to myself as black(ish) for several reasons.
- hypodecent/one drop rule define me as black
- I don’t like the term African American
- I’m not 100% black (as some in both the black and white communities insure I will never forget -as if I could) and claiming to be black means denying 1/2 of me
- I like the suffix “ish” (hey I never said they were all intelligent reasons)
So like I said I’m black(ish) and as those of you who have any experience with mixed people’s hair know it can be complicated. Don’t get me wrong I am blessed with good hair. I have the type of hair that often leads people to claim they “have a little indian” in them. But good does not mean uncomplicated and I have the 25 years worth of photos to prove it.
I began trying to tame my hair at about the age of 13 and at about 20 I decided I didn’t want to chemically straighten my hair any longer. I currently have a handle on my hair needs but am still searching for the perfect product. I just ordered a new shampoo and conditioner to try both of which are supposed to be for my hair type. I also ordered a sampler kit of the rest of the product line.
I’ve previously used one product from this line and enjoyed the results but don’t want to fork over the major bucks for more of the same if one of the other products would be better and so once I receive my order I will begin experimenting. I can’t wait. Depending on the results I may even post a few pictures.
Racism
A vast majority of my friends come from families who don’t exactly embrace diversity. It never really bothered me before. I figured that since they were my friends, they obviously weren’t racist and therefore didn’t really focus on the feelings of their family members.
Well now it’s starting to bother me.
All day today I haven’t been able to shake an encounter with my best friend’s mom that occurred about 3 years ago. A football player was on tv and best friend’s mom suggested I track him down and get him to marry me. I told her I didn’t think I’d give up on my (at the time) significant other just yet but suggested cute football player for best friend. i dont remmeber the exact response but it was something to the effect of “We dont want best friend dating a black man” or “we don’t believe in interracial dating”
I remember making some lame attempt and conversation after that but really what could I say. Me, the black chick in their home. The product of an interracial relationship.
Now I’m not judging this family based on one sentence uttered years ago. I have also witnessed many anti-Asian statements from best friend’s dad. Always dismissed by best friend as a result of his having served in the war…(I’m not sure which one at the moment and think it bad form to ask best friend at the moment). I have addressed this with best friend but never with her parents.
Well today best friend and I hand a conversation which made me think perhaps she’s got a bit of a closed mind as well. Not to the extent that I think she is racist. I think she is VERY ethno-centric — nothing like an olympics to bring up your worldview. I tried challenging her preconceptions. I said point blank several times that she was judging others by our cultural standards and that others find fault with the U.S. when we’re viewed by their cultural standards. Just because we are used to something being done a certain way doesn’t mean it’s the only way for it to be done. But I don’t think she’s budged.
Then there is roommate. Roommate is from a small town in a neighboring state. I’ve only been half joking when I tell her I would not be comfortable visiting her hometown. She tried to assuage my fears by telling me about the 3 other blacks who live in her town. Hmm 3 eh? Nope, SO not going there. Each time she returns home with a story about what “hilarious” thing was said by her grandparents or aunts etc. Only they arn’t always hilarious. Ok actually they are hilarious. But only because I’m here safe in my house when I think about the fact that soon I may be in that small town with roommate…well not so funny anymore. Frightening would be a better word.
Last example I’ll give is classmate (yeah I know I’m so very creative with the nicknames tonight). Classmate is also from a small town. And thank goodness her family has moved from that town because I do not believe I’d be able to visit there with her either. However, she is in a serious relationship. I could be expected to attend or even be in a wedding fairly soon. Which means interacting with (or at least being in the same room with) her extended family. Including the grandfather who asked her “you dont live near any blacks do you?” Now classmate, she’s actually the least worrisome to me because she will call her grandfather on his stuff. Nevermind that its her grandfather. Her response is “Yes grandpa there are blacks that live near me and Asians and Hispanics and all sorts of people” and when he starts talking about how horrible black people are she counters with “well there are bad white people and bad people of all colors” and is cut off by her uncle who says “and I’d rather have a black neighbor than a racist asshole” I fell in love with her uncle when her boyfriend retold this story to me.
I’m not listing these things to berate my friends. I love them and I know they are good people. But based on my conversation with best friend I’ve just been thinking. It just sucks to have to be so aware of the viewpoints of my friends families. It sucks to always have to be on my best behavior so I don’t live up to some negative view they may have.
I dont know if this post has a point. I’m just needed to get some things out.
I love my mom
I know I said I’d get back to Universal health care and I will. But I’ve been busy and I have a project due tomorrow and a pot luck at work tomorrow and dont have time right now. I just needed to quickly post something my mom said that made me smile.
Mom has taken to referring to Barack Obama as “that white guy”. It’s hilarious because it’s shocking to hear but when you think about it it is just as true as referring to him as “that black guy” after all.
Also I was thinking as much as I want him to be our next president I’m scared to vote for him. Because he is black. Yep sounds racist but hang on and let me explain. I’m scared to vote for him because I’m afraid he’ll be assassinated. I hope our country has come further than that but I’m scared because in my heart I dont think it has.
Ok on to homework and cooking for the potluck…why did I sign up for an actual home cooked dish instead of chips?
hmmmm
While reading Paragraphein’s post on “birth ladies” *gag* (re: the term not the post) I started thinking. Well I started thinking a lot actually about how awful that term is but thats for another post this one is about racism.
Paragraphein likened “birth lady” to a racial slur and listed off some fairly common slurs: WOP, oreo, white trash, pancake (ok so not so common but I’d heard it before) and of course the n-word. She didn’t spell it out she simply said “n-word”. My question is why.
I’m not trying to pick her apart she’s not the only one that does this I’m just using this specific instance as an example. All too often in conversation people say ugly things but this one this “n-word” is often only alluded to. I do get that it’s a word with a history. That it’s offensive. Trust me as someone who’s been called the n-word out of hate it makes my skin crawl to hear it. But why is it ok to say other racial slurs by way of example and still this one is still the “n-word”
If we were having a conversation where bitch is the b-word and cunt is the c-word etc it would fit. But again why when we say all the others, why is it still the n-word. So maybe the key isn’t to spell it out (or say it) maybe it’s to change the way the other slurs are presented. I dont know. All I know is it made me think. So here I am asking you to do the same. Just think on it. (and if you come up with a brilliant answer, leave me a comment.)
I’m black(ish) my son is white GET OVER IT
I came across an a-parent discussion on transracial adoption today. The focus was what to say when people ask rude or annoying questions about how children who look different than parents came to be part of the same family. I almost commented considering everything I’ve experienced recently. But instead of butting into their conversation I just decided to vent here.
(And as a side note to those who will complain because legally my son is black like me not white:bite me! Race is a social construct and therefore in this instince the race people will assign him at first glance is more important than any law of hypodescent)
I have pictures of my son on my desk. The frame holds four wallet-sized pictures. One is of my niece then I have one of my son and I together from our last visit, one of him alone and one where we’re together but my head is cut off I’m helping him try out the roller blades he got for his 5th birthday. So there hey sit on my desk for everyone to see.
I have pictures of my son in my wallet in fact in the wallet I’ve been using recently (I change often) he is the ONLY picture in my wallet and it’s one of us together faces right besides each other so the similarities of features is striking. Not to mention it’s usually cashiers who see this picture and ask questions…Seriously? Is it any of your business? Is it going to help you ring up my groceries any quicker?
Yet people don’t believe he’s mine.
Now maybe it’s just me but I tend to assume that if someone has pictures on their desk especially three of the same child that must be their child. I guess it’s silly of me to think if a person has only one picture in a wallet and it’s of her sitting next to a child that it is her child.
We have just finished hiring and when new staff ask who the boy on my desk is I tell them “My son, isn’t he cute” I get a myriad of responses. Confused looks top the list followed closely by reserved “Oh”s as if they want to ask but they’re too polite. But that’s not what bothers me it’s the ones who say things like “Your god-son?” or “Your stepson?” as if it’s impossible that he could actually be my son. Or worse yet “How did that happen?”. There was also one who asked, “Is he adopted?” I really through them for a loop when I said “Actually yes, he was adopted but I’m his birth mom.”
I guess I should clarify. I’m black. Well mixed actually but when people look at me and classify me they tend to go with black (although some guess random races/ethnicities but that’s a whole other post). I have tan skin, dark brown curly frizzy hair, deep brown eyes my son is pale (sorry that sounds very un-pc but it’s true) he has white blond hair, bright blue eyes. If you look skin deep he looks nothing like me. EXCEPT that he looks exactly like me. He has my eye shape, my cheek bones, my mouth shape, my face shape, my nose HE IS ME. Only lighter.
I don’t know maybe I’m just super sensitive. I get my motherhood questioned because of the adoption I don’t need it questioned just because people can’t see past skin color.
Sidenote: I often read Jenna’s blog and her situation is mine in reverse I guess. If she and her placed child went out in public with my placed child and me what confusion we would create. I think I’d actually have fun with that one…and if each of the kids brought their other mom along as well….
