August 18, 2009
· Filed under Adoption, Grad School, OA RoundTable, PhD program search
Heather has posted our next challenge and let me tell you, it IS a challenge.
How has open adoption changed you? In what ways are you different because the presence of open adoption in your life?
This is a timely topic for me because Kidlet’s birthday had triggered similar thoughts. 8 years have passed since Kidlet was born and it feels like just yesterday, but at the same time it feels like a lifetime ago. I have changed a lot since then, in some ways i don’t even recognize the me i was then. But it is hard to know which changes are influenced by relinquishment and open adoption, which are due to other aspects of my life, and which are merely the result of growing up.
Not necessarily adoption related but definately Kidlet related is my commitment to my education and career. So many times I’ve felt like giving up, but I have to keep going. I must keep going, because I want him to be able to be proud of me. I don’t want his birth mom to be the stereotypical loser birth mom.
On the other hand after placement I started drinking. So much for not wanting to be the stereotype, but everyone kept tellling me “if you parent you won’t be able to drink or party”. I didn’t drink or party prior to getting pregnant but since it was such a “good” reason to place I decided to give it try. I didn’t like the taste of alcohol at first but I kept at it. Maybe I would have developed this trait anyway, I can’t say for sure, but what I can say is that I tried really hard to become a partier because it’s what I was supposed to be.
Adoption has made me indecisive. I went into OA pretty blind and took what information people gave me at face value. As I saw it I only had one option. Now as I learn about open adoption and the other choices I did have but didn’t know about. I’m learning about the rights I had. The choices I could have made. The questions I should have asked. And it’s too late. For me, it has turned out alright. But for so many people I “know” it hasn’t turned out even remotely alright, and I know that without warning it could go from alright to horrid. And even though I love and trust Kidlet’s parents that scares me. And I never want to be this powerless again. And I never want to not have options again.
So now I research EVERYTHING to death. I make sure that I set myself up for as many options as possible. Case in point. I am less than a year away from completeing my MSW. At graduation I will also have a certificate in School Social Work. I am also applying to PhD programs (and am researching, researching, researching various ones before i finalize the list). I am also researching social work jobs overseas and across the US. See when I graduate I want the option to do school social work, I want the option to go on to get my PhD, I want the option to relocate, I want OPTIONS. And no matter how much research I do into any of these options I’m scared it wont be enough. I’m scared that when all is said and done I’m going to make the wrong choice. I know I’ll eventually have to choose, but until then I’ll do a bit more research.
Head over to Production Not Reproduction to check out blurbs from and links to other blogs on the OA Roundtable #5 topic
January 28, 2009
· Filed under Adoption, Grad School, PhD program search
When you have an extreamly long migraine episode (14 ish days i lost count there toward the end) followed by a natsy cold it give you al ot of time to think.
I had time to com up with a research question for class. It explores the Unsealed Initiative and will (hopefully) disprove those opponent who claim that unsealing records will cause women to terminate their pregnancies rather than relinquish their parental rights. It won’t be publishable for a myriad of reasons but it will work fo rthe class assignment and if I dont get into a PhD program just because I’m not published well then I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.
My illnesses kept me out of my internship for a week but I made it through class and managed to find and skim some research for my project. Haven’t actually started writting any of the Lit Review but hey finding the reserach is the hard part…right?
And of course I had a bunch of time to just think and of course those thoughts turned to adoption. I thought about domestic infant adoption, transracial adoption, open adoption (specifically the one i’m involved in but also OA in general). I have several posts in the drafts folder but I need to finish transcribing the audio from a focus group for my internship and I’ve only done 3 minutes of the 30 minute audio.
January 20, 2009
· Filed under Grad School, PhD program search, dating
So I’ve come to the realization (or returned to the realization) that its not really possible to meet people in Tacoma. On the one hand I feel like I’m too young to even be worried but then I see people my age getting married and having babies and I’m start to think I might be a little behind. (well ok so technically I beat them to the baby part).
Maybe thats part of the Tacoma problem, people settling down way too early. All I know is that I need to move on. I can’t go anywhere until at least June 2010. I”m in grad school and have put way to much effort in to transfer at this point. (or have I? perhaps I should look into this option).
So by the summer of 2010 I will have an MSW and hopefully a certificate in school social work. At that point I will also have applied to PhD programs. I will move to wherever I”m accepted. Berkeley so far is my first choice but that seems a long shot. If I”m not accepted anywhere, which is likely seeing as how I’ll have no post MSW experience, I will apply to every school district in western Washington and hopefully get a job a reasonable distance from here.
After a couple years I will re-apply to PhD programs and then move to whereever I get accepted.
Its nice to have a plan. It gives me some hope that I will eventually get out of this place and when I have hope its so much easier to find humor in those people we do happen to meet while out about town.
January 6, 2009
· Filed under Adoption, Grad School, PhD program search, Think on it
It seems like I’m always asking you guys for something and this quarter is no exception.
A bit of background for those who don’t know. I’m currently in the second year of a three year Masters in Social Work program. This quarter I am in a research class. We have to spend the quarter writing a research proposal and literature review. Next quarter we’ll actually have to complete the research project.
In class tonight the prof asked if any of us were considering applying to PhD programs. Since I am he told me I should think about completeing something that would be publishable. Having a published paper would certainly help in the application process as I consider schools in the future. So I spoke with him and let him know my area of interest is Adoption specifically birth parents. He suggested I do something with birth parents and facebook but didn’t give me any more than those two words.
I’m not required to go with his suggestion although since his area of interest involves the internet and social work it may be wise to do something along those lines. But I have this entire week to think about it and flesh it out before taking a first stab at it. I have to turn in a paragraph about my topic next tuesdays January 13 at 6pm.
So between now and then help me out. What do we want to know about birth moms. Or perhaps the more important question is what do we want social workers to know about birth moms? If you have ideas that fall within the birth moms and internet/facebook idea the prof suggested great but if not I’d love to hear your input as well.
Once again thanks for all your thoughts and help!
December 22, 2008
· Filed under Pets, PhD program search, Roommates, snowed in
The first snow of the season was on the 13th. Today is the 22nd. That is almost 10 days of snow. That may not seem like a lot if you are reading this from one of those places that is known for its harsh winter but for us that is a LOT of snow.
Usually it snows a little then melts, then snows a little then melts. This is rediculous.
Making matters slightly more annoying is that my roomates both went out of town for what was supposed to just be one night. So I have been snowed in with just the cats for company. I got so stir crazy that last night I walked the mile to my parents house, ate dinner, then walked home.
Roommate 2 finally got home this morning. But not until after I attempted to drive to my internship. I managed to make it off my cul-de-sac and drove about half way to the office before the anxiety got the best of me and I decided to turn around and come home. And promptly got stuck at the entry to the cul-de-sac. As on coming traffic approached. I ended up reversing and then parking at a drug store up the street and walking home. Hopefully they won’t tow my car.
Hopefully the roads will be drivable tomorrow because my new cat as a vet appointment. Yep you read that right I got my first pet at the age of 25. Cookie has been hanging out around our neighbors house at least since September. The neighbor has been feeding her but can’t take her in due to allergies. The roommates have been trying to convince me to take her for awhile but I have protested mostly because I can’t afford to take care of myself right now adding another living being to my care doesn’t seem smart. Well with the snow we have brought Cookie inside and she will be staying. The roommates will help out with expenses til I get a job.
Other snowed in activities have included re-arranging my room and looking into PhD programs. I won’t even be done with MSW until 2010 but since I had nothing else to do I thought I’d just see whats out there. I’m not really sure how one is supposed to choose a program.
Anyone know? Should I find professors whose areas of interest for research match mine and apply there? What if those profs leave the school before I start my disertation? IDK. Maybe next snow day I’ll look into it some more.
