Some might say that the worst part of moving is leaving behind family and friends. Others would say it’s putting all your belonging in boxes and lugging them downstairs into trucks then back upstairs out of boxes etc. However yesterday I came face to face with the worst part. Leaving my therapist behind.
Those of you who’ve been reading this blog for while have witnessed my struggle to find a therapist who doesn’t suck. It’s taken YEARS. And finally I found one who didn’t make me feel like shit for having issues, for not being “over it yet”, for not being cured “knowing he’s better off”. And she won’t be following me across the country.
Am I really going to have to start the search over again? Am I really going to have to walk into someone’s office not knowing what their response will be to the birth mom bombshell? Half me wants to say fuck it I’m so done a year of good therapy is enough I just wont go back. The other half is like, uhhh no Katja we need to find someone to make sure we stay sane.
My thought is to find therapists in the area who take my insurance and email their offices with questions. So far I know I want to ask their modality, experience with adoption, grief and loss, anxiety, military families (because yes my unique upbringing does play a role in my stuff and an understanding of that lifestyle is important), if they’re email accessible, history of working with others in similar professions/with similar training…but what else? What can I ask to get a sense of their personality is it even possible or do i really have to put myself back through that awkward talking to a stranger to see if i can stand them period.
Maybe i’ll just stay here…