High school never ends.
When I was in high school I has two best friends. The three of us were pretty inseparable. Then my senior year (their junior year) I got pregnant. (Spoiler alert haha).
Friend one told friend two that she couldn’t deal with my pregnancy it was too much drama. She basically cut me off completely but never told me why.
A day or two after I got home from the hospital she called. She didn’t so much as ask how I was (ya know post almost dying and an emergency c-section) before she launched into her boyfriend issues.
That’s when I realized the friendship was over; it wasn’t til much later that I learned why she’d initially distanced herself.
In 2008 I was living, working, and going to school with two friends. Then suddenly we were laid off. I learned the hard way how much of my identity and self worth had been wrapped up in my job. My previously un-diagnosed depression took hold and it took hold hard.
The two women who i had been very close with could no longer stand me. But rather than point out what they were noticing and encouraging me to get help they avoided me and I avoided them. I eventually moved out and they cut all ties…ya know except to publicly demean me (oh Facebook).
Today has been a flashback of sorts, but worse, because its not happening to me it’s happening to my best friend. The one who stood by me through my pregnancy, through my coming out of the adoption fog, and the layoff.
She’s struggling right now. She’s been supporting her family since high school. When her gram passed she inherited more responsibility, more stress, and lost her emotional support.
As life throws her curveballs she tries to keep on keeping on. As miserable as she is she will not abandon her family. (No matter how ungrateful they are)
But apparently that doesn’t stop her friends from abandoning her. Apparently her depression, her stress, her challenges are too much for them to witness. Well how do they think she feels? She’s the one living it. And now she’s doing it with two less friends.
She was texting me earlier, but then said she needed some quiet and turned off her phone. I have to believe she means what she says and we’ll talk again later. I have to, because otherwise my mind goes to a dark place and I’m scared for her.
Life sucks sometimes. More for some than others. If you have a friend who is obviously struggling don’t try to shame them. Don’t belittle them. If you’re frustrated imagine how they feel. How would you want to be treated when the bottom falls out of your world. When you’re treading water just to keep your head above water and just so tired of the struggle. When you desperately want to change your life but can’t figure out how without abandoning your family. When you lose the friends you thought were your last connection to a normal life you realize the buoy you’re clinging to is really a sandbag and suddenly the water is so far above your head there’s no way back to the surface.