I was looking through old boxes looking for some items I needed for TheHistoryBuff and his cat to stay with me while their power is still out due to WA snow and ice 2012. Instead of finding my old cat items I found a copy of my termination of parental rights.
This shocked me because I don’t have a copy of my termination of my parental rights.
You read that right. Every so often I call the lawyer who handled the adoption and leave a message asking him for a copy. He never calls me back. I also send emails. He doesn’t respond to them either.
So I stood staring confused at the document in my hand with the blue COPY stamp on it. What was I holding. How did it get here. And then I tweeted.
And then I called a birth mom friend/fellow support group member. And as I talked to her I continued to look at the papers and I noticed that it wasn’t the papers I signed in the hospital after Kidlet’s birth.
These papers say “Unborn Infant [MyLastName]” (even though Kidlet’s OBC gives him his first dad’s last name) and they’re signed by me and my father as my witness and dated eight days before I gave birth. The signatures are originals, but again there is a blue COPY stamp on the document. It doesn’t make sense. I don’t remember signing these papers I don’t remember having these papers. I remember signing the ones in the hospital. The ones I can’t get. I want to talk to M to see which ones she has as part of the adoption papers the ones signed before Kidlet’s birth or the ones signed in the hospital.
Why would they have me sign papers before Kidlet’s birth? Why is that even legal? Why have I blocked that out? Are the ones I signed after his birth different? I didn’t think it was possible to want them any more than I did before but I do oh how I do. I need to talk to M. Never have I waited for my phone to ring with such baited breath and yet…how to I explain
I just keep flipping back from the page that says copy to the page with my original signature. I keep staring at the date. I keep re-reading the phrase “Unborn Infant [MyLastName] none of these things make sense no matter how many times they are repeated, but maybe the repetition will jog some memory.
What else is there? What else is looming, ready to send me into a tailspin? If this can send me gasping for breath ten years later what’s next? What else can’t I remember?
Comments on: "What You Find When You Aren’t Looking" (8)
Wow! I can’t imagine the anxiety that had to cause. I don’t remember hardly anything about my pregnancy, practically nothing about the birth of my son or the first several weeks afterwards. I don’t think I want to remember, to be completely honest.
It’s not legal to sign relinquishment papers before the baby is born. I think them having you sign those papers before hand was nothing but pure coercion. They wanted to put it in your head that you had already given your child up and couldn’t decide to parent once he was born. Sickening.
Yes, it is coercive to have expectant parents sign relinquishment papers prior to birth, but it also may be legal. If I’m reading them right as long as they weren’t submitted to the court until 48 hrs after Kidlet was born they were fine…but I signed relinqishment papers in the hospital so these mystery prebirth papers may never have been used…I wonder if I’d changed my mind at birth if they’d have been used against me…
This makes me so upset to read. I will tell you, I remember very little of anything that I signed, before my son was gone. It’s how I got through the crisis. But signing something before your child was born……I’m sorry, that was to get inside your head, and remove this if you feel the need, its your blog….but that is coercion at its purest form. (Hug)
Of course I’m not going to remove your comment and yes it is coercion to have an expectant parent sign relinquishment papers prior to birth.
Though I agree that it SEEMS like coercion at its face, there might be some underlying things in there that you don’t remember (which is scary in and of itself, I know). Unfortunately you’ve been unable to talk to M as of yet and been unable to find out what paperwork she has of that whole time. Ugh. Keep us all updated – we want to know (and I think blogging about it might help you process too). Call me anytime.
Im the first to admit my memory of that time is faulty but that doesn’t change the fact that having an expectant parent sign relinquishment papers before a child is born is coercion.
Many ((hugs)) to you. When I found out that my papers had been post dated, it sent shocks throughout my system. Literally, my hands and feet went numb, and crept through my body.
Keep seeing where you are in the present. Identify where you are and what is around you.
Depending on the state you relinquished, it may or may not be legal. Find out for each state here: http://www.theadoptionguide.com/files/StateAdoptionLaws.pdf
Actually, I looked back, and I don’t think pre-birth consents are legal. You might have a case on your hands. Just sayin’….
It’s not about having a case or building a case. It’s about wanting to know what I signed. I remember signing consents in the hospital. After my son was born. I’ve always had issues with the ethics involved because I was recovering from an emergency csection and therefore medicated. I didn’t have my own lawyer and if memory serves (which it may not) it was only me and the lawyer in the room, no witnesses. I do not have a copy of what I signed that day and have been ignored by the lawyer when I’ve asked for a copy. So to find this other document this prebirth document that I don’t remember it was just…startling.