*Alternate post title: My parents really should have drowned me at birth.
I don’t say that in an “I’m having a pity party sort of way” although I suppose I am a bit. But it’s something my family has kind of joked about. I’ve always been the sickly one. I run cold not only will you find me huddled under blankets in the middle of August, but my normal body temperature is literally not 98.6, it’s 96 something. Growing up I tended to get an awful hacking cough every winter no other symptoms and the doctors never found a reason but every year like clockwork there it was. And I’ve had chronic migraines since I was 6.
Aside from the physical I also have mental illness anxiety and panic to contend with, I was on one med it made me more nuts than usual. So much so a dear friend had to intervene and I found a new doctor and a new med. Now that that seems under control my migraine med side effects are proving too much for me to handle. I. just. can’t. win.
I’ve been on topamax for about a year. In that year I’ve gone from 25mg a day to 75mg twice a day. In that year I’ve lost 40+ lbs (yay). In that year I’ve experienced excessive tingling in my feet and hands, joint pain/discomfort, inability to find words, inability to concentrate/focus, and my food has tasted funny. Some months it seems worth it because I’ll be migraine free. Other months I have just as many migraines as I’ve always had. ANd still other months I have even more than I used to.
All these things have been annoying and some have effected how well I can do my job, but I’ve put up with them thinking they were for the greater good. I can’t do it any more. Today while studying for the GRE I reached my breaking point. I was struggling with the math review, which is to be expected from my. I haven’t taken any real math since my junior year of High School (I got a 4.0 in Stats in college but lets face it stats doesn’t really count). So to boost my self esteem I decided to flip to the verbal section do some analogies for fun (yep I find analogies fun I’m a word geek which is why the MAT might be a better test from me than the GRE) but I found myself grasping for words on more than half of the questions. Ok I’m not a genious I’d understand getting some wrong or having that “I know this but I can’t think of it” feeling on a few. But more than half? On an activity that is my thing? Nope. I found the chart my original doc gave me to wean myself ON the topamax and I’ll be using it to wean myself off.
While I’m venting about my migraine I should note that my migraine episodes last for days on ened and my insurance will only allow me 4 imitrex a month despite the fact that my doctor prescribed me 9. I’m allowed 2 a day so that means the insurance is allowing me to be medicated for two days a month. EFF YOU INSURANCE COMPANY EFF YOU!
Comments on: "If It’s Not One Thing It’s Another*" (2)
Ugh.
I have nothing to say that will be helpful. Weaning yourself off the Topamax will hopefully provide benefits beyond your wildest dreams. Hang in there. You’ll get through this.
For me, the trade-off’s between (almost every psych) medication and self, just weren’t worth it, and in some cases severely exacerbated my original condition! Cognition-wise,I used to score ridiculously high and I tore though books and thousand-piece puzzles. I once completed a 10K 3-D puzzle of New York. Today, 500 piece puzzles have me in tears and I had to quit programming.
I know it took me time, med free, before I began to regain some of the abilities I felt I had lost. Other skills, such as puzzles, I have never seen since. ( That’s ok, as far as I’m concerned, because I learned to enjoy the mundane act of television watching!!!). In other words, with time, things either improved on their own, or I was able to retrain to a level I find acceptable.
I’m sure we’re facing different things, and I’ll trust your doctor’s have looked into it thoroughly, but wanted to let you know I’ve had migraines since I was about 9. I was given medications they rarely provide to adults now, and unrelated, can barely tolerate any medications for them or other physical issues. I think we finally found something that works, that does not seem to impair my ability, cause ‘the rash’, or any other insane effect. So there is hope! =)
Cora