Fears, I got some of them. Communication issues yep I have those too. Anxiety we can check those off the list as well. In fact lets just go head and highlight it and circle it a few times as well shall we. So really I think having time one on one with M face to face before Kidlet came up for the visit was such a blessing.I give M such a hard time about “mothering” me, always telling me to eat etc. But the truth is she can’t help is because is such a mother, a natural nurturer and I don’t really mind. This trip she had her plate full not only filling the role of my friend, my son’s mother, my mother, and at times my therapist. Because apparently I can no longer lay claim to being the girl who does not cry in public. Oh my goodness do I cry in public.
After the second day of the Coordinators2 Opening Adoption Symposium we went back to our hotel room and we talked. We talked about my fears. About the things I don’t tell her, because I don’t want to put my neuroses on her when she has other things to worry about especially when i already know they are irrational and aren’t going to happen. We also talked about where my fears stem from and letting go of some of my anger. We talked about how I can stop punishing certain people. And we kept talking over dinner and one very “small” margarita each about ways to include my family more even though they are just as bad at communicating as I am (or possibly worse).
One teeny tiny margarita with dinner...after a glass of sangria at the hotel
When I’d told my bestie about my irrational fears in the midst of a panic attack and how stupid i felt for having them because i knew they were irrational she suggested I talk to M about them and I balked at the idea. Sorry Bestie I’ll never doubt you again. Because Bestie and M basically said exactly the same thing word for word when I said I didn’t want to put my stuff on M. Apparently I surround myself with some pretty smart women.
So moral of the story I guess when all is said and done is something I told ITGuy a few weeks ago. I can’t pick men to save my life, but I pick good parents.
Also M may or may not be reading this so HI M!!! If you want a more creative nickname you’re gonna have to help me out there. Same goes for you J if you’re reading this HI J!!!! I’m just not that creative.
Comments on: "Learning to Really Communicate" (4)
Awesome- i’m so glad to read this. And so glad I can picture all the initials involved.
Big hugs-
Cynthia
Yay for more open communication! I have a lot of the same irrational fears as you, I’d imagine. Only I tell them to my daughter’s parents all the time. They call me the worrywart. Anyway, I’m so happy that you were able to have this discussion with M and that it worked out so well. I know how much it meant to you to be able to do that. And….yay for healing tears!
Soooo great to meet you, Kat. You are remarkable! You made the weekend that much more special!
This is one area I excel in: I can — when thinking logically, and not anxiously — talk about my anxiety/etc with Dee because she also has anxiety. She’s really the only one who “gets” me when I’m mid-panic. Sometimes it takes awhile to work up to talk about something, but she always understands — and even understands why it took me awhile to discuss.
Good for you, dear.