October 19, 2009
· Filed under Access to OBCs, Adoptee Rights, Adoption, Grad School, Open Records, family, sisters
I am one of three members of WA-CARE (thats Washington Coalition for Adoptee Rights and Equality) who will be meeting with a state legislator next Tuesday. We hope this legislator will sponsor a bill re-instating access for adult adoptees to their original birth certificates.
My MSW Capstone project about First Mother Disenfranchised Grief (delving deeper into my project from last quarter).
My Child Youth and Family Policy Project is about OBC access (delving deeper into what I learned from last winter/spring’s research project and piggybacking on my work with the coalition).
Its my own fault that adoption is surrounding me at the moment. Its like I’m testing myself. How much adoption can I handle before I break?
Also my newest niece has arrived. I had planned on referring to her as Newbaby as she is the daughter of BabySister and the sister of Babykins but after much auntie/niece bonding it has been determined her name is Poppel because of the way that she sleeps in a ball no matter how I try to get her to straighten her legs. So now I will consider going back and changing her nickname is any post I have already mentioned her in…although that seems like a lot of work so maybe I’ll just use the new nickname starting now.
SoldierBoy should be home sometime this week for R&R, BabySister is anxious to see him as is Babykins and I’m sure he’s anxious to see them and meet Poppel as well.
October 12, 2009
· Filed under Access to OBCs, Adoptee Rights, Adoption, Open Records, Politics
I quite possibly may be part of a meeting with a state legislator at the end of the month when a coalition I’m involved with attempts to find a sponsor for an bill that would reinstate adult adoptee rights to their OBCs.
I am crossing my fingers and holding my breath.
October 11, 2009
· Filed under Adoption, Friends, Roommates, venting
Today we had a “happy unemployment anniversary” get together for the group of us who got laid off together last fall. It involved drinking, I’m still not yet sober.
After all our friends had left the roomies started talking to me. I’m sure you all know how alcohol brings out emotional conversations (and if you don’t I envy you). Somehow we ened up talking about adoption and its effect on my mood.
Jenasia under the influence of whiskey began in a very understanding way.
It gave me hope.
It made me open up.
It made me share.
And then it reverted to the place every conversation about first mother grief always goes.
“you HAVE to realize that so many others would kill to be in your place”
“you HAVE to be thankful…”
“eventually you have to get over it”
Ok the last one was only implied but the first two were stated clear as day. In the same breath that she validated my feeling she invalidated them. In the same breath that she told me she “got it” she demonstrated that she didn’t.
As i mentioned Im still a little intoxicated so I’m not sure exactly how the conversation began but it wound down to me trying to get the roomies to understand that i need them to not try to make me be social when I am feeling anti-social. That I fake it most of the time and that I don’t have energy to fake it when I come home as well.
That I can put on a smile and go about my day with a sunny disposition but that when I come home I need to be able to acknowledge my crappy mood. That I need to be able to isolate and cry and mope. That I can’t be that fake happy person at home all the time too.
And just when it seemed they got it, i realized they actually didn’t. That even though they understand to a point, when they reach that point they regress to almost complete misunderstanding.
As exhausting as it is I’m going to need to start faking it at home. I’m going to need to not turn of the smile once I walk through the door. Because as much as they say they get it. As much as they try to get it. If I’m sad they will spend all their energy trying to cheer me up. If I feel like isolating they will spend all their energy trying to get me to socialize. So instead of putting them through that I will just go through the motions.
I will be happy, smiley, joyful, and social.
at least on the outside.
And in the mean time I will find another location when I can be me because apparently home isn’t it.
