So I posted a long response on a new forum site I’m trying out. I think I’m the only birth/first mother even on the sight. I was offended so I said so. Stupid me. Based on the responses to my response, the point has been missed. I feel like less significant pieces are being overly discussed while the really significant parts are ignored. And worse yet I just don’t have the energy to deal with it right now. My Monday well lets just say I left my apartment at 745 am and did not return until 945 pm. I had to get everything in order for my replacement since today was my last day at my job…well my OLD job. It feels good to call it that. I start my new job in the morning and after work I start a new quarter of grad school. And thus I have NO energy to try to be coherent in adoption land. Tomorrow I’ll try again. Or maybe I’ll just stop posting on this new forum site much like the last one…
Archive for March, 2008
Seriously?
So apparently someone found my blog by searching for the phrase, “date a crack whore”
I can’t stop giggling. Really? someone is looking for that? Seriously?
A fake date and an adoption story
I received a text from Cowboy on Tuesday night, turns out his mom was going on a blind date the next night and he wanted to be present in the restaurant but needed a fake date so that he wasn’t just sitting there alone staring at his mom on a date. He’s very protective of his mother always has been, which is sort of adorable. So we met up at a fancy restaurant blind date guy had picked and generally had a good albeit AWKWARD time. I mean really ease dropping on your mother’s date conversation is so ridiculously awkward and trying to hold normal conversation while doing so is also awkward. It was basically just a whole heaping load of awkward that kept piling up over the night.
Cowboy had planned on a stealthy spy session but mom wasn’t about to tarnish her integrity and let her blind date be tricked much to Cowboy’s chagrin. So the three of us hung out at the bar waiting for her date to arrive and then sat the two of us talking right next to the two of them talking while we waiting for two tables also right next to each other. Never once mixing conversations. Almost as if pretending we didn’t know each other. Our conversation would be interrupted several times by Cowboy hearing or seeing something between his mom and her date that he needed to comment on to me.
All in all a good time was had and she might even get together with the guy for a second date…I suggested she leave her son at home if that happens.
But during the night Cowboy told me about his friend. Well really a friend of his brother’s. She’d and the brother had gone to school together and the friend was adopted. The second he started the story I’m sure I got that “really I can’t even escape adoption at this fancy restaurant” look on my face. Anyway. The friend had gotten her OBC and had posted about it on a 100% non-adoption related forum just in passing really. She mentioned that she was going to hire a private investigator and try to find her mom. Well she saved a whole lot of money because Cowboy talked to her about it and got some information from her and after only a few days her first mother had been located. Then at the friend’s request Cowboy made first contact with her first mom for her. And the mom agreed to contact. Despite not loving the fact that adoption talk was creeping into my non-adoption life it was a nice story so I thought I’d share.
Boys
I received word from an ex over the weekend via email. Ex wants to be friends again. I asked if we ever really were friends. I hurt his feelings. I was so proud when I sent the response. I felt like I’d overcome my unhealthy coping of being with this person because lets face it, it feels good to be wanted even if you know deep down it’s a lie. Then I received his response and I feel like shit. Is he really upset or is he feigning hurt to manipulate me? To make me feel guilty? He even says at one point he considered settling down with me. It feels like manipulation but I don’t know and I did reply again this time gentler but still holding my ground. I can’t go back there. If he does genuinely want to try to build a friendship perhaps I should give it a chance. But I have made it clear there can be no returning to what once was. I can’t and won’t do that to myself. And yet I feel like shit.
And then there’s another guy in my life. We’ll call him Cowboy. We went to high school together and while he was living in another state only saw each other about once a year when he was in town to visit his mother. Now he’s back in town full time and we see each other pretty regularly. Cowboy and I went on a date once in high school but then were just friends for a long time. Now we cuddle. I won’t let actually date Cowboy because I fear I’m just using the same unhealthy coping mechanism I used with Ex. After all it’s nice to feel wanted. Oh and there’s also the possibility I’m using Cowboy as an IT-Guy substitute.
IT-Guy and I dated briefly at the end of last year. We’ve been friends for about a decade. Actually he’s my sister’s best friend. We never dated or even spoke of dating (except for a few minor mentions) because he is my sister’s best friend. Then one day we slipped up and told each other how we felt. And so we tried the dating thing and then we decided (ok HE decided) we should not try the dating thing anymore. Now we’re at a stalemate. We both like the other and will admit that but he doesn’t want to push anything he just wants to see what happens but if I ask him to hang out anywhere that’s not a public place he breaks our plans. I called him on it. How are we supposed to see what happens if we never even see each other!
So there we have it Ex, Cowboy and IT-Guy (actually come to think of it Cowboy happens to be an IT person as well but ahh well we’ll let the nicknames remain as is) I had officially decided to take a break from dating hoping it was erase some of the boy drama I didn’t have time or energy to deal with but apparently there is no escape.
