To spend an entire meal at the same table with someone and not say a single word to them. Ahhh sisters the joy.
Archive for August, 2007
I’m black(ish) my son is white GET OVER IT
I came across an a-parent discussion on transracial adoption today. The focus was what to say when people ask rude or annoying questions about how children who look different than parents came to be part of the same family. I almost commented considering everything I’ve experienced recently. But instead of butting into their conversation I just decided to vent here.
(And as a side note to those who will complain because legally my son is black like me not white:bite me! Race is a social construct and therefore in this instince the race people will assign him at first glance is more important than any law of hypodescent)
I have pictures of my son on my desk. The frame holds four wallet-sized pictures. One is of my niece then I have one of my son and I together from our last visit, one of him alone and one where we’re together but my head is cut off I’m helping him try out the roller blades he got for his 5th birthday. So there hey sit on my desk for everyone to see.
I have pictures of my son in my wallet in fact in the wallet I’ve been using recently (I change often) he is the ONLY picture in my wallet and it’s one of us together faces right besides each other so the similarities of features is striking. Not to mention it’s usually cashiers who see this picture and ask questions…Seriously? Is it any of your business? Is it going to help you ring up my groceries any quicker?
Yet people don’t believe he’s mine.
Now maybe it’s just me but I tend to assume that if someone has pictures on their desk especially three of the same child that must be their child. I guess it’s silly of me to think if a person has only one picture in a wallet and it’s of her sitting next to a child that it is her child.
We have just finished hiring and when new staff ask who the boy on my desk is I tell them “My son, isn’t he cute” I get a myriad of responses. Confused looks top the list followed closely by reserved “Oh”s as if they want to ask but they’re too polite. But that’s not what bothers me it’s the ones who say things like “Your god-son?” or “Your stepson?” as if it’s impossible that he could actually be my son. Or worse yet “How did that happen?”. There was also one who asked, “Is he adopted?” I really through them for a loop when I said “Actually yes, he was adopted but I’m his birth mom.”
I guess I should clarify. I’m black. Well mixed actually but when people look at me and classify me they tend to go with black (although some guess random races/ethnicities but that’s a whole other post). I have tan skin, dark brown curly frizzy hair, deep brown eyes my son is pale (sorry that sounds very un-pc but it’s true) he has white blond hair, bright blue eyes. If you look skin deep he looks nothing like me. EXCEPT that he looks exactly like me. He has my eye shape, my cheek bones, my mouth shape, my face shape, my nose HE IS ME. Only lighter.
I don’t know maybe I’m just super sensitive. I get my motherhood questioned because of the adoption I don’t need it questioned just because people can’t see past skin color.
Sidenote: I often read Jenna’s blog and her situation is mine in reverse I guess. If she and her placed child went out in public with my placed child and me what confusion we would create. I think I’d actually have fun with that one…and if each of the kids brought their other mom along as well….
I think I can
I’ve been quiet the last few days. Tuesday was my son’s birthday and I’ve just been sort of distracted; vacillating between numb and melancholy. Even with the UPS screw up he got a birthday present from me. I bought a replacement present and overnighted it using the good old postal service.
Today something happened at work that made me confident in my decision to eventually be a pregnancy options counselor. One of our teen clients came in to our program after just having figured out she’s pregnant.
Part of my job is to schedule appointments for our residents so first thing I made her a prenatal appointment. Two of my bosses wanted me to schedule her a counseling session to look at her options. Each of my bosses suggested a different agency that offers these services however both of the suggestions are agencies that have a marked interest in the decision the client would make.
I sat down with them and laid it out. I told them I would like to make her an appointment with an agency without any ties to the outcome and here is the big thing I said my piece without getting clammed up, without tears or almost tears, without my voice cracking. I didn’t get flustered or self-conscious. I just stated my point of view and why and they agreed that they would defer to my expertise in this area and let me choose where to suggest our client get services.
Honestly I don’t know if she’ll even go through with the counseling but at this point I just really hope she at least keeps her prenatal appointment.
Regardless the fact that I had this conversation with my bosses and then sat down with the client without getting emotional without second-guessing without wanting to run from the room confirms that the path I’ve set myself on is one I’ll be able to be successful at.
Time flies
six years ago today I was in labor. I’d gone in for a routine check up about a week before I was due and was admitted.
It’s been six years.
Tomorrow my baby is six. My baby is in the first grade.
Six years…
I hate UPS
Fed Ex has a new customer in me. Today my sons birthday gift should have arrived. Instead of a dvd of the movie we’d gone to see together at our last visit all that arrived was the envelope. Yep for his birthday all he got from me was a manilla envelope. I cried when I got the message from his parents. I wanted to scream but I was at work.
I bought a new card on my lunch break and it will be overnighted but I didn’t have enough time to buy a replacement present so I will have to send it late.
My weeks has been awful and this….well just please no more. I just can’t.
RegDay 2007 Anyone?
Anyone know of any RegDay sites in Washington or Northern Oregon??? Anyone in the Tacoma Seattle or Olympia Area interested in working together to make a site happen?
foster care sucks
The foster care system is so messed up. Way to state the obvious right? Well today that fact was driven home for me.
I work with foster kids our facility has two programs a very short stay crisis program and then a longer program where kids can stay 30 days.
One of our kids left yesterday, his 30 days wouldn’t be over till the 19th but his state worker moved him. He’d started coming out of his shell, getting comfortable, learning appropriate boundaries, and trusting adults. I wished him well and reminded him that he’d once been unsure of our program but had begun to like it and would most likely grow to like the new program he was going to.
Today I learned he’ll only be there for 2 weeks. TWO WEEKS! You moved him from a program he was doing well in to a new program that he can only stay in for two weeks so on the 14th he’ll have to move to his third placement in under a month when he could have remained in our program until the 19th!
What are we doing?
Safe, Legal, and Rare
You want so badly for abortion to be illegal but you’ve never thought about what the punishment should be? Or you don’t even think there needs to be a punishment. Then what’s the point of making it illegal if you’re not going to punish people? Oh of course to make it stop…
It’s funny–if by funny you mean sad (and I do)– that people believe abortion will stop just because it’s made illegal. There were illegal abortions before it was made legal (many of which resulted in dead women) and if abortion is once again made illegal it won’t stop the abortions.
Okay it will stop some. Although I tend to think that most people don’t commit crimes not because they are crimes but because their own feelings on right and wrong compel them not to do these acts that happen to be crimes.
So yes, some people will be deterred by the legality and some just won’t know how to go about finding some to perform an illegal abortion. However, legal or not there will still be abortions they’ll just be more expensive and less safe…oh and completely unregulated.
So to all the people in the above clip who have never thought of a punishment for breaking the law you’ve so desperately been fighting to enact for so many years: what’s the point of making something illegal if you aren’t going to punish those who still do it? It it’s truly murder than why can’t you say with confidence that the woman who has an abortion after it’s made illegal should get the same punishment as any other “murderer” why can’t you stand firm in your convictions? Why haven’t you thought about it?
Okay you think it’s wrong, you think it should be illegal, but you don’t want to punish people who break the law….uhhhhh what’s the point again?
To the woman who firmly said she doesn’t believe in the death penalty thank you for at least being consistent in your pro-life stance.
