Cigarette smoke is nasty, possibly deadly depending on who you ask. Hell it gives me migraines and makes me want to vomit (and while I realize the world doesn’t revolve around me this is my blog and it’s my birthday so there). However, I can light a cigarette roll down my car window and drive holding the cigarette out the window. Forcing everyone who passes to breath in my cigarette smoke. Those who drive near me or pass me have no choice but to choke on my cigarette smoke. It’s perfectly legal. But if I drive around with my window down and have my music up too loud I get a ticket. What!? Yeah perfect sense there.
Archive for June, 2007
only tuesday?
I’m not sure how but it’s only tuesday. By the time I left work today I’d put in over 30 hours for the week so far. that averages to over 10 hrs a day since I worked sunday. I’m tired and cranky. I requested friday off (my birthday) and even though there is a lot to do I’m gonna take that day off and cherish it….only problem is it’s only tuesday….I still gotta make it through two more days…I’m tired…
ps I’m off the waitlist I start grad school in late september
Another genius government move
Okay recently somewhere out there a terrorist (or a person on the terrorist watch list actually) managed to get on a military instillation. Okay maybe I should back up a little. As an army brat born and raised I’ve lived through all sorts of security changes. There were the days were we drove on to the instillations and there were no mps at the gates. There were the days there were MPs but they just waved ya through once they saw the decals. There were the ID checks and random 100% (everyone in the car) ID checks. Recently it’s been Driver ID checks and so anyone can get on base as long as they’re in a car with someone with military ID.
Ok so this person on the terrorist watch list got on a military instillation so now it’s 100% ID checks….uhhhh what does that help? I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it helps because they’ll see the id and not let the terrorists on post….think a little harder. They collect all the ID’s in the car they look at them and look to see if our faces match those of the people in the photos and hand them back as they wave us through the gate. No where in that process did they compare it to any list of “undesirable” persons. And I cannot believe they have the list memorized. So I guess if you’re a terrorist without convincing photo id you can’t get on post…but what about the rest of em?
Happy BRHDAY to me
My birthday is next week and the best birthday gift in the world arrived today. Pictures of my son, his brother and their parents as well as pictures he’d drawn and at the bottom of one of those pictures is happy birthday written in his 5-year old handwriting….okay actually it says “happy brhday” with both y’s backwards as well as the r and regardless of what anyone else give me for my birthday they cannot top that.
I had plans to meet up with my sister tonight so I took my envelope of treasures with me to share with her and when we arrived at our destination she saw some co-workers. Now I’m not shy about my birth mother status but I was a bit uncomfortable when my sister asked to see the pictures infront of her more than tipsy co-workers. I don’t know if it was them being in my business or the fear they’d spill on them or a combination of the two.
So then those questions (comments?) started. “It’s great they let you have pictures”, “Don’t you feel blessed to have these”, “Do they have to keep in touch with you” “It’s great you gave him a life instead of just getting rid of him.” “Don’t you think he has so many more opportunities now” Now I wanted to make the smart aleck come backs that are often seen on the forums. Something like yeah and it’s great I let them have my son. But these are my sisters co-workers and I didn’t want to be TOO rude. So instead I answered as respectfully as I could.
“It’s great they let you have pictures”
Well we all went in to this with open adoption in mind so everyone knew we’d be staying in contact.
“Do they have to keep in touch with you”
No only about 14 states have legally binding open adoption agreements and then I repeated but we all went into this with open adoption in mind.
“Don’t you feel blessed to have these”
*smile* (there just wasn’t a diplomatic –or short- answer for that one)
“It’s great you gave him a life instead of just getting rid of him.
That’s a common misconception, but most women who chose to place don’t even consider abortion. They are two very separate issues and not as linked as people want to make them.
“Don’t you think he has so many more opportunities now”
Well I can’t see what might have been so I know he has different opportunities, I wont say better or worse but I know they are different.
I owe a HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who has discussed these questions on the forums, all your posts popped into my head throughout the conversation.
I’m proud to be me
…at least for this week.
I walked around the mall the other day carrying a bag from Torrid and another from Lane Bryant. For those of you not in the know those are plus size stores. And technically Lane Bryant doesn’t carry my size but until I fall in a clothing limbo (really should get around to opening a store called Limbo btw) my size is too big for “regular” stores but too small for plus size stores. But really I’d rather wear something a little baggy than squeeze into something too small. Although on the other hand when I have baggy clothes I give myself an excuse to skip the gym or eat a little extra ice cream which and more excuses are the one thing I don’t need.
But like I was saying, I walked around the mall with my plus size shopping bag and I was okay with it. My head was held high my shoulders were back and after I realized all this I was very proud of myself.
At work the other day I was sitting with some clients and looking through pictures. I work at a group home for adolescent girls with behavior issues. They know I have a son, they know he doesn’t live with me. The rest is pure speculation on their part and every so often they ask a question and my usual stock answer is “When you become a parent you have to make choices that are best for your child. My son’s father and I made a decision that is best for Matt. Yes it sucks that I don’t get to see him everyday but when you’re a parent you don’t get to be selfish.” Or some variation thereof. Well the other day I sat and flipped through pictures and one of my girls glanced over my shoulder at the exact moment a picture of my son’s brother came into view. I should say that my clients are in foster care for some pretty serious acts from their biological parents and in some cases more serious acts from foster parents so these girls have some pretty strong views on birth mothers from their experience with their own.
Client: “Who’s that”
Me: pause…. “Well that is Name”
Client: “But who IS he?”
Me: pause… “He’s my son’s brother”
Client: “I didn’t know you had another son”
Me: “I don’t he’s not my son”
Now maybe it’s because this set of girls will be moving on soon, only about a week left in their stay thanks to a change in program structure. Maybe I was just sick of avoiding straightforward questions. I ask these girls to share their deepest pains with me and I pretty much lie to their faces each and every time they ask me why Matt doesn’t live with me. So when my client said “is your son adopted?”
I said “yes”
And ya know what? I’m glad maybe these girls will get another view of what a birth mom is. Maybe after knowing how much I love my son they’ll think their moms love them. Maybe they’ll learn everyone who shares a title is not the same person. Or maybe I’ll learn to keep my boundaries firm and continue to avoid questions. Maybe I’ll get firmer in my boundaries and when clients in the future ask do you have kids I’ll tell them it’s none of their business. Ha, nope I probably wont do that although I’m sure my boss wishes I would.
Now if only I can speak my mind at my non-boyfriends house this evening my proud streak can continue.
Days like today
On days like today I have no energy for the real world.
On days like today I woke and was at work by 9 and didn’t leave the office til 7.
On days like today my lunch “break” was spent staring at a computer , telling myself that one day I’ll leave the office for a meal.
On days like today I toss a frozen pizza in the oven then crawl into bed with my laptop.
On days like today I catch up with my internet friends.
You know, the ones who don’t know I exist but I can’t help being addicted to their blogs anyway.
On days like today I contemplate finding a different job.
On days like today I just stare at the phone when it rings…or vibrates because the ring was annoying me but I can’t turn it off because I’m on call.
On days like today I’m glad when the ringing isn’t work because then I don’t have to answer.
On days like today I avoid the bank’s website so I don’t accidentally check my balance but avoidance is okay because tomorrow is payday.
On days like today I envy my friend whose plane touched down in Hawaii just a few hours ago.
On days like today I’m tempted to turn off the alarm so tomorrow doesn’t become a day like today.
Ok sometimes I am weak
Sometimes I give in and read the articles online about celebrities. I can’t help it, I’m only human. The reason I am admitting this is in recent article Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman’s kids were mentioned and they were only identified and their kids.
Ok you might not get why this excites me. Take a moment to think about how they are usually identifiied. Have you figured it out? Do ya give up?
Usually these children are labeled as the couples adopted children. I’m just really excited that the author of this story didn’t feel the need to further lable. They are the couples kids and that was enough. For once.
